


Who put salt in my apple pie life?

by Traumzauber



Series: What has been left unsaid... [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel Becoming Canon On 5 November 2020 (Supernatural), Destiel is canon, Emotional Hurt, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traumzauber/pseuds/Traumzauber
Summary: Chuck is defeated. Jack put everything back in order.Dean adopted a dog. He and Sam can finally live free. An apple pie life - maybe with an occasional hunt.Everything is perfect, right?Wrong. Something is definitely wrong.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: What has been left unsaid... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024836
Comments: 10
Kudos: 88





	Who put salt in my apple pie life?

**Author's Note:**

> Each part in this series is an independent one-shot. But you could probably read part 1 and 2 together.
> 
> As always, I want to thank my wonderful friend [noxsoulmate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxsoulmate/pseuds/noxsoulmate), who always listened to my ideas and helps me to bring them to life.
> 
> I couldn't stand that Dean never mentioned how Cas sacrificed himself and that he didn't even grieve about Cas' death. So I had to fix it. I will probably write some more fix-its regarding that topic. And I will definitely write something to fix that horrible ending that didn't include Cas.

It’s 8 a.m. when the alarm ripped Dean from his sleep. 

He grumbled as he sat up in bed and stretched his arms; the tiredness bone-deep. The last couple of months took their toll on him.

Dean rubbed his eyes and tried to shake off the last remains of sleepiness. 

The next thing he heard was a soft bark and then his mattress dipped. He had barely enough time to open his arms as Miracle jumped right into them.

Who would have thought that Dean Winchester would ever own a dog? And even if Miracle lived together with him and Sam, there was no doubt that he was actually Dean's dog. He even slept in Dean’s room every night. 

Dean hugged him tight and mumbled, “Hey buddy. Good morning.”

He truly loved this dog. Miracle had given Dean hope when every hope had seemed to be lost and now he soothed the dull ache in Dean’s chest that never really disappeared.

Dean cuddled with the dog for a few more minutes before he finally got out of bed to start his day. 

He put some food and fresh water in Miracle’s bowls – that were placed at the foot of Dean’s bed – and put on his dead man robes. Sam had tried to convince Dean that it would be better to feed Miracle in the kitchen, but Dean liked to have the dog around as much as possible.

He made his way into the kitchen where Sam was already in the middle of frying scrambled eggs and bacon.

After a mostly silent breakfast, Dean brushed his teeth and started his every day repeating routine.

First he tidied up his room. Well, _tidy_ was a loose term. But who cares?

Then he washed the dishes and cleaned the already spotless weapons.

When he finished his chores it was only 10 a.m.

This wasn’t good; not at all.

But he had to keep moving. He had to keep his mind occupied. 

Otherwise, the thoughts he tried so desperately to keep out would come back and haunt him. He could already feel the hollow pain in his heart grow – waiting for the moment when he let his guard down.

Without even being aware of it, he stood up from his chair in the library and suddenly found himself in a hallway. 

Not just any hallway, but the one he didn’t dare to enter since that – not long enough ago – day.

“Dean?”

Sam’s concerned voice startled Dean from his stupor. How long had he been standing there – blankly staring at a closed door a bit down the hall?

Dean cleared his throat and turned around to face his brother. The worry was clearly visible in Sam’s eyes.

Dean felt awkward. He tried so hard to be strong for Sam. A habit that was woven too deep into himself to ever cut it out.

“I-I just… I was just about to go to the library. Do some research,” he stuttered out. 

Before Sam could say anything, Dean brushed past him and made his way into the library.

He had already opened his laptop when Sam hesitantly entered the room and sat down across from Dean to do the same. Miracle had made his way over to the chair beside Dean’s.

Dean tried to make sense of the words in front of his eyes and was painfully aware that Sam didn’t even try to pretend that he was working too. 

He could almost feel Sam’s eyes on him and sure enough, only a few moments later Sam cleared his throat.

“Dean?” he asked hesitantly.

Dean only grumbled. He wanted to ignore him but he knew that Sam wouldn’t let it go.

“I've been meaning to ask you– What happened that day? Why did Cas summon the Empty?” 

“He thought it was our only chance to get rid of Billy, because the Empty was pissed with her,” Dean answered slowly; dreading the question he somehow knew would follow.

“But how did he do it? I couldn’t find any spell and there were no sigils or used ingredients for something like that in the dungeon.”

Dean couldn’t answer right away. He realized that he clenched his teeth so hard that the muscles in his jaw almost cramped.

Dean looked up at his brother but couldn’t stand to look into his eyes, so he lowered his gaze on his laptop again.

Miracle put a paw on Dean’s leg and he began to stroke the dog's head; drawing comfort from his presence.

“He made a deal with the Empty when Jack died the first time. He told me about it right before–” Dean choked up. He cleared his throat again.

“The deal was that if he is really… um… happy,” he stumbled; remembering Cas’ words, he began to recite, “if he experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would come and take him.”

“Okay,” Sam said, “And what was it? His moment of true happiness?” Sam sounded nervous, as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed to ask.

Dean felt like he was going to throw up. The pain in his chest – in his heart – was hardly bearable anymore.

His hands began to shake and his eyes stung with the first signs of tears.

He dragged a hand over his face and took a deep breath.

“He said a lot about how he changed since he dragged me out of hell. And he said a lot about… me,” Dean had to stop again to swallow around the lump in his throat and to take a shaky breath. 

Then he finally looked up into Sam’s eyes. Desperate and pleading for something he couldn’t even name.

“He said he loves me, Sammy.” 

And with that the tears spilled over. Dean had thought he didn’t have any more tears in him since he cried them all out after Cas disappeared. Seemed he was wrong.

He barely even noticed the surprised and helpless look in Sam’s eyes.

“It’s okay, Dean–” 

“No it’s not,” Dean burst out, startling Sam and Miracle as he jumped out of his chair. He started to pace.

“How could this ever be okay? He said he loves me and then he died. He sacrificed himself for me. Again. I didn’t even have a chance to–” 

Dean choked up again.

“How could he think that it would be okay for me if he died to save me? How am I supposed to live with that?”

Dean could barely breathe, the ache in his heart was suffocating. He had to stop his pacing to hold on onto the back of a chair. 

Sam stood up and hurried over to Dean to grip his arm.

“It’s okay, Dean. It’s okay. Just breathe,” he tried to calm him down.

“We will get him back. We will find a way. We always do.”

“We have to. I have to tell him–” Dean said; his voice still shaking.

“You will. I promise.”

Dean saw the determination in his brother’s eyes and nodded. They wouldn’t give up until they got Cas back. Until _he_ got Cas back.


End file.
